Mariella Hunt

Right, ok, I’ve told you how to make the perfect brew, here, so it is only proper that you are taught the correct accompaniment to this magic potion, the dunked biscuit.

Before we begin you are now English, it is a biscuit, not a “cookie”.

Right onto business. Get your cuppa (If you haven’t got one, why did you read this far?). Ok now for the biscuit – the perfect dunking biscuit is the rich tea biscuit (this also happens to be another miracle thing, as with the tea, but that is a lesson for another time) after that it is the chocolate digestive biscuit, luckily they dunk very similarly, so get one or the other.

Now take the biscuit and see if it will fit into your cup, I doubt it will. If I am correct then snap the biscuit in half, actually, just snap the biscuit in half either way, gives you more dunks.

Right, now the really important part. Time to dunk the biscuit. Take the edge of the biscuit (one of the corners where you snapped) between your thumb and forefinger and dunk it into your tea, you should hold it in for about 3 or 5 seconds, then gently pull it out. If you don’t leave it in long enough the biscuit will still be crunchy on the inside, if you leave it in too long it falls into your brew and you have to fish it out with a spoon while shouting “Mum me biscuit’s fallen in me brew” (Peter Kay reference, well done if you spotted it).

Finally place in mouth and enjoy.

Repeat with as many biscuits as wanted, drink the brew and become English.

By appointment of Their Regular Noones,
The Lonely Recluse.

P.S. This is a totally tongue in cheek post, Mariella had no control over me, except to ask that I wrote something. All insult is totally your fault for not having a sense of humour good enough to take it, but if complaints wish to be made, you may make them to me here. I repeat, Mariella is not to blame for my sense of humour, or your lack of one.

Boring Legal Bit:
Their Regular Noones (TRNs) had no real input and infact did not appoint The Lonely Recluse as anything, especially not The Even Lower Biscuit Dunker, in fact TRNs do not exist and there is no such role as The Even Lower Biscuit Dunker.