the cover reveal was fantastic. thank you, guys.


Dissonance Cover Img FrontExactly a week ago was the book cover reveal for Dissonance. Now that things have settled down, I have time to blog about it.

I bet at some point you wondered why I chose May 19 as my book cover reveal. Well, it’s the feast day of St. Celestine, the patron saint of book binders, and I thought he could intercede to make things go well. He most certainly did.

All day I watched the blog posts pop up and got this warm fuzzy feeling. These people were here for me and I’m so grateful! Many people shared on Facebook and Instagram, so I can’t link back to them here. Just know, guys, that I thank you with all my heart.

But without further ado, the people who lent me a spot on their blogs to help give Dissonance a proper launch: (If I missed your blog, send me the link and I’ll edit the post!)

The Overactive Imagination
Emily Rachelle
J.N. Cahill
The Last Book on the Left
Sometimes I’m a Story
Disregard the Prologue
The Librarian Files
Kayla’s Books
Verbosity Book Reviews
Summer Snowflakes
Brett Michael Orr
Angie Grigaliunas (ze writer)
Games, Books and Cookies
Princess Meets World
The Ultimately Useless Stories of an Average Teenager
Julia the Writer Girl
Woolgather
Just Hannah dot Rose
The Crazy Perfectionist
Tea with Words
The Lonely Recluse
Monique Ocampo Writes
Briana Mae Morgan

And if you’re wondering when the book will be out, know that I’m working to put out the eBook this week. I’ll be sure to drop a link.

Love you, guys! Thanks again!

Guest Post: Prepare for Gaming!


My blog is titled life, literature, & coffee–but I rarely get to blog about life, because I’m so often focusing on literature and writing.

That’s why I love having guest bloggers who talk about their lives and what’s important to them. Recently I made a pen pal named Leonie and she’s a brand-new blogger–follow her here!

She’s a gamer and loves what she does. Even though I’ve never really been hooked on a game, I think it’s cool that there are so many and we can have adventures through hem. However, not everyone perceives things this way–so I’m glad she decided to blog about this.

Without further ado, prepare for gaming!


For as long as in can remember, gaming has been part of my life.

My parents owned a Super Nintendo Entertainment System, SNES in short. We had a lot of games, and playing these with my parents was my first time playing games ever. Mario, Lufia and MegamanX are some of the titles that I loved playing, and are still in my collection, carrying the title of favourite game.

Nowadays, gaming is seen as something geeky, nerdy. For those who are introverts. But experiencing and living in the world of gamers, I can say most of them are anything but introverts. They may not go out often, they may have their own interests, but that doesn’t mean they’re nerdy or don’t have friends.

Looking at my friends, a huge amount are those I have met on the internet, either playing games or on social media. And the things we do together are things we are best at, playing video games. Not only that, becoming each other’s best friends, we’re also there to hear each other’s problems, help think of solutions and be there where possible, even if we’re miles apart.

People still find it weird when I tell them I play video games, but I have gone a step further, I started writing reviews on the games I have played in the past. I don’t mind what people think of my hobbies, but I do want them to respect them and me for making the choices I have.

The thing I do want to be judged on is my writing, as that’s what I love to do and want to improve on. It’s another hobby of mine.

Yup, you heard me, I am a gamer, with different hobbies. I like to write, as well as read and be sportive. So next time you see someone playing video games, or hear about a person who does, think about this blog post.

There is a person behind the gamer, he or she’s got normal hobbies, of which one is playing video games. Don’t judge them for it, but praise them for being themselves, because being a gamer in the world we live in now can be quite hard sometimes.

Interview: Kristin Halbrook Discusses her Novel Every Last Promise


image017A couple of weeks ago I picked up a book called Every Last Promise and became completely engrossed in it. Usually I have control and am able to put down a book to go to bed, but I was up well into the morning because Every Last Promise has a killer hook. So I was excited to get the opportunity to speak with author Kristin Halbrook about the book that definitely made me an insomniac!

Read my book review here! And now, the interview:


Me: I’m very excited to speak with you! Every Last Promise is one of the most powerful books I’ve read this year; I have no doubt it’ll become a favorite.

KH: Thank you so much! I am humbled to hear this. And thank you for these questions! I am very lucky to get to chat books with awesome people.

It’s haunting, making me realize the depths to which humanity will sink when loaded with guilt or fear. The danger of threatening someone who has power. Not only that, though–I was fascinated by how you wrote it, so I’d often get mixed feelings for the characters. They were human, with likable qualities and imperfections.

I tend to favor books where fear is a driving force; they’re easy to relate to.

This means a lot, to me. I aimed to create very human characters who are reflections of so many of us. It’s hard to be a hero (however “hero” is defined)—which is why we idolize them—and completely human to make mistakes. Life journeys are rife with challenges and moments we might not be proud of, but also chances for change, for forgiveness, for self-development, for growth and moving forward. Fear is certainly an effective motivation, but I also think the person who emerges after conquering their fear is more splendid.

I have some questions about the writing process for Every Last Promise.

First, could you describe what it’s like writing a story that switches from Spring to Fall? Did it get confusing, do you have tips for outlining a book this way? I found it to be a unique touch and some insight would be great!

I already had some experience writing a little bit outside the linear, single POV box with my first book Nobody But Us and, honestly, even though that book didn’t jump time, learning how to write alternating POV chapters that changed, that adjusted the style of the story for the reader, was a big help when writing the non-linear chapters for Every Last Promise. I also found that there were character and plot development benefits from writing Spring and Fall. I got to dig into my characters at two important points in their lives. I was able to parallel events and personalities in a way that lets me and readers see stark changes, laid side-by-side. And I liked that each season had its own build-up to a climax and its own resolution. The second resolution is the opposite of the first, and we get to see why that is.

I tended to work backwards, when developing the story for this book. I knew what the conclusion for each season was, so I had to work out how Kayla reached each of those points. I did actually tend to write the chapters in order, because that’s how I work best, and I found it refreshing to be able to jump time spans every few days.

Also, reading the book I noticed small towns pictured in two ways: A warm, comforting birthplace…and the dark, stifling town where secrets are nearly impossible to keep, and a step out of line could ruin a reputation. There are certainly downsides to everyone knowing each other.

Which did you find easier to illustrate, especially in a story like this? Have you lived in a small town where you got to see this sort of environment in real life?

I have lived in big cities, in the suburbs, and in a small college town, so I’ve been able to get a good look at how those living situations vary. The small college town I lived in looked quite different, in some ways, from Kayla’s town, but some of the sentiment was the same. There’s an insular, proud quality in some small towns—not necessarily undeserved!—and there’s a beauty to small, tightknit communities that look after each other. Many small towns thrive on tradition, work ethic, and hope. Some small towns are truly beautiful places that foster slow living, the arts, living close to the earth, and other ways of life that can be difficult to achieve in the city or suburbs. However, while writing Every Last Promise, I was hearing a lot about cases of sexual assault in small towns, so it was easy to be very angry at the kinds of communities that foster secrets or too much of a “take care of our own” mentality. So, in that sense, it was harder to write the small town as a positive, affirming place. Originally, Kayla was this character who was only desperate to get out of her small town, but as I explored the reasons why more fully, I realized it wasn’t so much that she wanted to get out, but that she was being pushed out for shattering that perfect vision people had of their small town. It’s not easy to see the realities and truths of the things we innocently think of as being perfect.

Do you drink a specific coffee while writing? Is there a particular snack or playlist that helped you with this book? Describe a little what your desk looks like! :)

I promise I’m not a shill for the company, haha, but I’m an avid fan of Caffe Appassionato’s Fair Trade Espresso Blend. It’s smooth and flavorful and the beans are so fresh and oily. I probably drink an average of four shots of it a day. Good thing I have my own espresso machine or I’d be bankrupt on espresso drinks, ha. I don’t otherwise snack when writing. I do have a playlist for Every Last Promise, but I often prefer writing in silence. My desk, oh dear. It’s kind of mess, right now. I have watercolor and oil paints and paintbrushes everywhere. Stacks of art paper, letters, and field trip forms for my kids. My season tickets for the opera have just arrived, so they’re in the middle of everything. Beneath it all is a large desk calendar, scrawled all over with events and doodles. My desk chair is falling apart, as my youngest likes to peel off little bits of the fake leather from the seat. Behind the chair is my sewing machine and piles of fabric that I’ll eventually do something with. And yet…somehow I get work done here! It’s as much a place to live, to create, to explore as it is a place to work.

Every Last Promise is without a doubt one of the best books I’ll read this year. Buy it on Barnes and Noble, and follow Kristin on Facebook and Twitter!

and finally–the cover for Dissonance–a project 5 years in the making


So happy to be sharing this with you! I think I might cry!! I haven’t got a set release date, but it’s coming soon. By soon, I mean in a few days. ;)

Dissonance Cover Img Front

Blurb:

Fifteen-year-old Allie Grant lives crippled by her illness. Though kept in isolation, she’s never alone: A spirit named Song lurks in the silence of her bedroom.

When Song reveals its dark nature on the night of her recital, the show ends in tragedy. Verging on death, Allie’s taken in by an uncle she’s never met.

Julian claims to be a Muse with power over music and answers that’ll heal her. The cure she needs is rare, requiring of him a difficult sacrifice. Allie soon suspects her uncle has a secret that’ll turn her world around.

But with days left to live, she might fade without learning the truth…like the finishing chord of a song.

I know I’ve been talking about Dissonance and publishing it–forever. But now it’s really happening, guys! I have a book cover, designed by the lovely Syd. I want to share with you the full cover because the whole thing is beautiful! Check the featured image!

PLEASEBEDONEEEEI spent hours awake designing the interior file for a print book. I figured out how to make fancy chapter pages. Now I’ve only got to write the Acknowledgements, and there will be so many people to thank…I’m afraid many won’t make it into the book, but let me use this moment to say thank you.

Some people have read through all five drafts of the book. Some came along as it was near completion. At one point in 2014 I sent the first five chapters to an agent–who in the end told me it sounded too much like a romance novel, even though it’s YA–but that’s when Heather became my beta and wound up helping shape the whole thing.

There are the inkies who’ve stayed with me, and the GTW people, and everyone in my street team. The new friends I met in Brett’s beta chatroom. (He’s been pretty cool, letting me sabotage his team like that. :D)

There’s Syd and Kristia and Gabrielle. Phil, Rachel Lynn, Jennifer Cahill, Kelly. Kate Sparkes, who helped me understand what I’m doing!

Finally, my family–mom, dad, Christian–who’ve been there for everything, even the Carpal Tunnel surgeries. Who’ve hugged me when I felt discouraged and reminded me that no matter what, they’d be there. They’ve been waiting for me to publish the book for a long time, so it feels nice to finally show them a cover!

There are so many people who’ve helped keep me sane that I need to sit down and take note of all of you. If I haven’t mentioned you here, it’s because I don’t want the post to get too long. There’ll be another post for that!

A cover reveal is not the final chapter, but the beginning of a new book, so I have a lot to say. Let me sum it up for now: Thank you. 

Check back in the next few days. I might accidentally drop an Amazon link!

the cover reveal’s in 2 days. thanks, guys!


I have a book cover reveal coming up in two days, and I just want to thank everyone who’s volunteered to help me. Honestly, when I first decided to self-publish, it had been painted to look like such a bleak and lonely path…but I met some wonderful people who changed my perspective on that entirely.

People all over the world have volunteered to use their blogs and facebook walls to help me reach as many people as possible. I know even two or three views of the beautiful cover Syd designed, that’s a potential audience. The only thing that bothers me is that I can’t reach out and hug you all. Just know I am so grateful that you’re helping me kick off my career, even if it’s just a cover reveal.

The book isn’t out till hopefully late June. Hopefully.

As you know if you’ve been following my blog, setting release dates got me into a lot of trouble. When I was unable to publish on the 12/13/14 release date, I fell into a horrible slump…I felt like I’d let someone down–myself, at any rate. I felt like walking away from the whole project. But with the coming of spring, I’m back in action.

That’s what I get for trying to take control of a project that, from the beginning, is only possible because of God. He gave me the gift of writing, the story I’m telling, and all these amazing friends who’ll be helping me.

And while a cover reveal is by no means the end of this project, it’s one of the final steps to getting it published. This story is finally going to have readers. Even if there aren’t thousands, a handful of people who like the story will be enough for me.

To everyone who’s stood by me with this project from beginning to end–thank you for believing in me and offering your time–to hear me complain, to give me advice, to tell me things will work out. I’ll still need all of you after the 19th. Love you guys! There are so many of you to thank. After the 19th I’m going to dedicate a post to all of you, so the world will know how awesome you are.

I really, truly wouldn’t be brave enough to do this alone.

So thank you. And to my readers, I hope you stick around on the 19th–and share the cover on social media, if you can. Every bit helps. Hopefully this will be the first cover reveal of many.

Heather Says:


I have a beta reader named Heather. (Who had an epic summer and went to Spain. Visit her blog here!)

There should be more beta readers like her in the world. I’m so lucky that she’s agreed to read through my manuscript three times, and is willing to do a fourth.

Also I’m really glad she likes the book, too, which means she’s able to appreciate the characters almost as much as I do.

Usually what happens is I send her my book as a PDF file, and she’ll color-code her comments. Recently I’ve sent it as a .doc so she can kill any typos she finds (because chances are I won’t find them) and she still leaves hilarious comments. It makes editing so much fun.

This is a blog post to brag about my beta reader, and it should have come way sooner. Thanks, Heather! <3

Ignore things that need editing in these screenies–sometimes I don’t necessarily follow suggestions at once…

At the top of every page is this guide that’s helped me with the color-coded comments:

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This is one of my favorites:

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(The yellow part. I laughed until I cried with that one.)

This is hard. I have to skip so many quotes I really want to share because of major spoilers.

Screenshot 2014-07-31 03.57.58

And she raises points I might not have thought of while writing:

Screenshot 2014-08-01 06.20.57

(in case you’re wondering, no, he isn’t drunk and driving! :D)

Writing is a really hard job. You need great friends to keep you going, and believe me, I would not have made it this far if it weren’t for her. It started out as an emergency HELP I NEED CRITIQUE ON 5 CHAPTERS thing. And those five chapters became a huge project.

If it weren’t for friends like her, I’d have gone back to rewriting an eleventh time. Sometimes you just need guidance.

I’ll leave you with this gem–

Screenshot 2014-08-01 06.27.51

I really wish I could share all of them. Oh well.

THANKS, HEATHER! :)

Cover Reveal: Thicker than Blood


TTB official Bookjacket
Thicker Than Blood
The Magicians series #3
by Lindsey R. Sablowski

Release Date August 2014

Find on Goodreads!

Pitch:

Alaire Sencler is not the man he used to be. He left behind a foul and bloody past to be with the woman he loves, but the memories never allow him to forget what he did.

While the White magicians rise an army, their leader hides his true reasons for going to war. Meanwhile the Dark magicians seek out a new haven, one that might keep them hidden long enough to prepare for the war that is raging on outside their doorstep.

Though Alaire has a unique gift and the woman of his dreams by his side, he has yet to come to terms with Esmour’s death and what the future holds for him. New faces and the revealing of the fifth Dark magicians offers hope, but only the strongest will survive in the final battle.

Whoever said “blood runs thicker than water” never knew what it is like to be a part of the current.

I am so excited to be helping my friend Lindsey with the release of her third book. I remember when Cursed with Power was still up on inkpop–she was always passionate to have readers, and I’m proud she made it this far. She fought to get her book out there, even when things got hard, and I hope I can approach my audience with such persistence.

I hope you will give her series a look, and hope she’ll put out many more books in the future. She is truly very inspiring. Visit her website here!

Teaser:

We followed the noises and passed by more trees until Léal was in our sight. He performed a spell which hit the tree in front of him. Rostland held me back and gestured he would advance first.

Slowly stepping forward, Rostland said, “Léal, you need to stop before you hurt yourself.”

​He turned around and glared, but sweat covered his face and ran past his neck.

​Léal replied, “You knew her for one year; I knew her for five. She kept saying time and time again she was on my side, and I never once believed her until the end.”

​Rostland took another step forward, but Léal raised his hand. I considered moving closer to help if anything spun out of control, but I was confident in Rostland.

​“Do you plan to kill me again? Come now, you’re making a fool out of yourself,” Rostland said in a firm voice.

​Léal whispered a word and cast a spell, causing a ice shard to strike through Rostland’s chest.

Every muscle in my body tensed, but Rostland quickly ripped the icicle out and threw it on the ground.

The icicle broke apart into pieces, and the two men stared at each other.

Dialect in Dialogue by S.J. Garland


Recently I reviewed a historical fiction book by S.J. Garland, and it completely drew me in. One element that stood out most was her use of Scottish dialect, so I asked if she’d write a post about it. Dialect is an interesting technique I hope to try some day.

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find book review of Scotch Rising here

For an author, especially a debut author such as myself, the decision to write a form of Scots dialect into my dialogue was agonizing. I had to decide if the inclusion of all the aye’s and nays would give the text authenticity and therefore help build the narrative tension. Or if it would be cumbersome and make the reader set the book down and walk away without finishing. There are two ways an author can add a touch of dialect to their work, either by stating at the beginning of the characters speech something like: …he replied with a heavy Scottish brogue or with the addition of colloquial sayings relevant to their characters time and place. It is especially important in historical fiction to produce a balanced effort.

Historical fiction is all about setting the mood, getting the reader hooked at the beginning of the story and building enough tension they believe the narrative. The first way to add dialect into dialogue is by stating a character has a particular brogue or accent before they speak, giving the reader a signal to imagine how the character might sound. This choice also ensures the reader will not stumble over complicated sentences with misspelled words and hyphens. However in my opinion it is the weaker of the option, as it means the author must repeat the same signal many times in the text in order to keep the dialect moving.

The second alternative of writing the dialect into the dialogue gives readers the opportunity to experience the flavour of the character in an intimate way. Historical fiction is only one genre that can benefit from the use of direct dialogue. The key to being successful as an author using this method is to find the balance between realism and rambling gibberish. In my own work, Scotch Rising, readers found the addition of the Scots brogue into the narrative a good addition, although a couple of sentences had some people stumped. Writing is all about the learning process and I have toned the brogue down in places for the sequel Pretender at the Gate.

As my work is historical fiction, I spent time researching the words and phrases used by Scots during the time period. I narrowed my research to a Scots poet named Robert Fergusson, and used his poem Auld Reekie as the basis for my dialect. There is a copy available on the Internet at this address, which includes translations for the Gaelic words. With Auld Reekie as my basis, I chose a number of words I could integrate into my dialogue with the result the reader would be able to decipher the meaning after reading the whole sentence. In most cases it worked out well.

The experiment of using dialect in dialogue was rewarding, and it helped me grow as a writer. I will definitely continue to use it in my future work.

Interview with Jennifer Ellision


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I’m always interested to learn how other authors see things. It’s a complex art, and though no two stories are the same, sometimes the craft itself has similar characteristics in everyone. I’m so glad Jennifer Ellision let me ask her some questions. You should check out her book here!

Q: Your characters in Threats of Sky and Sea are all distinct from one another. How do you achieve such characterization–and which one of them speaks to you loudest?

A: Hmmm, well the first part is hard to answer. I didn’t consciously decide to create characters that ranged in personality, it just sort of worked out that way. I really just wanted them to be people, you know? Meaning they’d have their flaws, strengths, innate personality quirks… I’m a pantser so I discovered those things as I wrote.

As for which of them speaks to me the loudest, that would be my main character Breena, whose POV Threats of Sky and Sea told from. Although I have a total soft spot for Prince Caden and Princess Aleta.

And, oddly, the antagonist Lady Kat’s voice got pretty loud for me too. So loud that I had to write her her own short story, Sisters of Wind and Flame.

Q: In the book, many characters control elements. Which element would you choose, and why?

A: Oh, if I could choose, I’d be a Water Thrower, hands down. I love the beach, I love the pool, and if I had no other commitments (and if I wouldn’t get sun-burnt in about 20 minutes flat), I would happily spend all day floating in the water!

Q: What do you think classical literature will be 100 years from now? What books from our generation do you think will make it?

A: Ahhh, classic lit. Well, I think the books that already have the labels of classics such as works by Austen, the Brontes, Shakespeare, and Dickens will likely keep their spot in the curriculum.

As for books that I want to make it to future generations, there are SO many books that I hope do. With the massive love and commitment so many people (myself included) I think I’m safe in saying that I think Harry Potter and The Hunger Games will make it to future years.

Elsewise, in the fantasy genre, I hope that The Girl of Fire and Thorn trilogy by Rae Carson and the Graceling Realm books by Kristin Cashore make it.

Others that I hope make it include: Code Name Verity and Rose Under Fire by Elizabeth Wein, Chime by Franny Billingsley, Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour and Second Chance Summer by Morgan Matson, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira, Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, and The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

introducing a book cover artist


Even though the book isn’t out till December, I keep panicking and thinking I should have had it all ready by July. But I finally have one thing on the checklist secured: A book cover artist.

My long-time friend and pen pal Syd from Videmus Art is going to read my book and see what she comes up with. I’ve known her forever–literally–I can’t remember a time I was writing before Syd was my friend.

Someday we’ll meet and I’ll cry.

Go follow her blog. I’ll be posting about her a lot. She took the picture of books that I’ve been using everywhere forever. And this butterfly. She seems like just the kind of person who’d work with Muses.

I think she did write about one once.

It’s perfect. More updates to come!

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i just want to challenge people to see beauty in everything.

i currently live in Hong Kong and attend SCAD. most of the time i’m doing something else creative or woolgathering out the window.

Guest Post: How TV Shows Can Help You Plot Your Novel


by Alexa Skrywer

Yup, you read that title correctly. TV shows – and I’m talking the real ones, the epic ones, not the Disney ones – can help immensely with plotting out your novel.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh. I promise I won’t be offended. Finished now? Great.

I’m going to use Supernatural as an example, because that’s a show I’ve just started watching (Yes, I know I’m way behind) and I really like the character arcs.

supernatural
If you haven’t seen it, Supernatural is the story of two brothers raised by their father to fight all manner of supernatural creatures. The series also holds a bit of a detective edge since they have to figure out what sort of monster is haunting the area before they can kill it, and because, amidst all this, Dean (older brother) and Sam (younger brother), are also searching for their aforementioned missing father.

Yeah. These poor boys have a lot on their plate.

As a huge fantasy nut, I love the action in this series. There’s a new monster almost every show – from shapeshifters to the Grim Reaper – and Sam and Dean are totally boss when fighting them.

But what I love even more than the action, is the emotion of the story, the beautiful character arcs and the bond between the brothers. How they’re constantly killing evil spirits for normal citizens, all while battling the demons of their own pasts. I love how Sam takes care of Dean and Dean takes care of Sam and how, even though they have their share of arguments, they’re always there for each other.

Ahem. I’ll stop fangirling now.

On to how this can help with writing: The overall story is that of two monster-hunting brothers searching for their father. But, as I said above, there are supernaturals, too, new ones nearly every show. These create a host of mini-plotlines, keeping the action moving as our boys travel cross country, looking for their dad and learning to relate to each other.

And those mini-plotlines are exactly what we need in our novels. You have the overall plot “Character wants this and decides to do this to get it,” and then the little obstacles and helps along the way – the little tidbits you slip into the story, arresting the reader’s attention, while building up to the final climax (which I haven’t seen in Supernatural yet, so don’t spoil it for me if you know).

The obstacles/helps can come in the form of people (in one episode, Sam and Dean find an old friend of their father’s, and she helps them with a case) or difficult situations (…every single episode, but anyway). Sometimes, the smaller plotlines end during the story; they’re wrapped up in a pretty little bow and then we move on. Other times, they open fresh nuances in the overall plot, for instance the end of the very first episode and a certain discovery about Sam in the fifth. Both of them revealed more about the relationships of the characters, kept the story moving, and built carefully on the leaning tower that is every story, leaving me riveted, breathless, and desperate for more.

Which, of course, is the very feeling I want to inflict on some poor reader someday.

People always say the best way to master something is to study it, learn from the greats (practice, too, but we’re not talking about that today). So the next time someone accuses you of watching too much TV, laugh, roll your eyes like they simply do not understand, and inform them in the kindest way possible that you’re conducting writing research.

I’m an aspiring author and beginning blogger. Find me weekly here.

A Disgruntled Englishman on Biscuit Dunking


Right, ok, I’ve told you how to make the perfect brew, here, so it is only proper that you are taught the correct accompaniment to this magic potion, the dunked biscuit.

Before we begin you are now English, it is a biscuit, not a “cookie”.

Right onto business. Get your cuppa (If you haven’t got one, why did you read this far?). Ok now for the biscuit – the perfect dunking biscuit is the rich tea biscuit (this also happens to be another miracle thing, as with the tea, but that is a lesson for another time) after that it is the chocolate digestive biscuit, luckily they dunk very similarly, so get one or the other.

Now take the biscuit and see if it will fit into your cup, I doubt it will. If I am correct then snap the biscuit in half, actually, just snap the biscuit in half either way, gives you more dunks.

Right, now the really important part. Time to dunk the biscuit. Take the edge of the biscuit (one of the corners where you snapped) between your thumb and forefinger and dunk it into your tea, you should hold it in for about 3 or 5 seconds, then gently pull it out. If you don’t leave it in long enough the biscuit will still be crunchy on the inside, if you leave it in too long it falls into your brew and you have to fish it out with a spoon while shouting “Mum me biscuit’s fallen in me brew” (Peter Kay reference, well done if you spotted it).

Finally place in mouth and enjoy.

Repeat with as many biscuits as wanted, drink the brew and become English.

By appointment of Their Regular Noones,
The Lonely Recluse.

P.S. This is a totally tongue in cheek post, Mariella had no control over me, except to ask that I wrote something. All insult is totally your fault for not having a sense of humour good enough to take it, but if complaints wish to be made, you may make them to me here. I repeat, Mariella is not to blame for my sense of humour, or your lack of one.

Boring Legal Bit:
Their Regular Noones (TRNs) had no real input and infact did not appoint The Lonely Recluse as anything, especially not The Even Lower Biscuit Dunker, in fact TRNs do not exist and there is no such role as The Even Lower Biscuit Dunker.

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