Mariella Hunt & the Tearoom

Allegra Goodman’s This Is Not About Us is a literary family saga that explores grief, sibling rivalry, family estrangement, and the ways unresolved conflict can echo across generations. Rather than relying on dramatic twists or fantastical settings, Goodman finds extraordinary depth in ordinary lives, creating a novel that feels both intimate and universally recognizable.

The story begins with the death of Jeanne Rubinstein, the youngest of three sisters. Her passing reopens decades-old tensions between her sisters, Helen and Sylvia, revealing how long-held resentments have shaped not only their own lives but also those of their children and grandchildren. This Is Not About Us is ultimately a novel about the lasting consequences of poor communication—and the hope that younger generations can choose a different path.

One of my favorite storylines follows Sylvia’s granddaughters, Lily and Sophie. Although they are still children, they recognize the pain their family’s divisions have caused and make a promise never to become estranged from one another. It is a quiet but powerful reminder that family patterns do not have to be repeated. Compassion, forgiveness, and reconciliation are choices every generation can make.

Goodman tells the story through multiple viewpoints, gradually building a rich portrait of the Rubinstein family. While I occasionally found the large cast difficult to follow in the audiobook, I imagine the novel would be even more rewarding in print. The opening chapters, in particular, are unforgettable. Even after Jeanne dies, the family cannot agree on how she should be buried, raising questions about faith, memory, and what we owe the people we love. Goodman captures how grief has a way of magnifying even the smallest disagreements until they become impossible to ignore.

I also loved Lily’s perspective. As an aspiring writer, she fills notebooks with wildly imaginative stories, reminding me of my own childhood composition books. Goodman beautifully captures the joy of discovering storytelling for the first time, making Lily one of the novel’s most memorable characters.

If you enjoy literary fiction about families, emotionally nuanced character studies, or novels that examine grief and reconciliation with compassion, This Is Not About Us by Allegra Goodman is well worth reading.

If you enjoyed this essay, you might also like:

• The Girl and Her Books — how I became a reader at a very young age.
•  Taipei Story by R.F. Kuang — a story of language, culture, grief, and being kind to oneself.
• More book reviews from The Tearoom on Substack.